Funny idiot brother named them

woman who is 3 months
pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6
months later she awakes and asks
the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and
a girl, and they are both fine.
Luckily, your brother named them.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother!
He's an idiot! What did he name
the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well that isn't too bad,
and what did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.

Funny gay joke

Worth Reading

A successful rancher died and left
everything to his
devoted wife. She was
determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about
ranching, so she placed an
ad in the newspaper for a ranch
hand. Two cowboys applied for
the job. One was gay and the
other a drunk. She thought long
and hard about it, and when no
one else applied she decided to
hire the gay guy, figuring it would
be safer to have h im around the
house than the drunk. He proved
to be a hard worker who put in
long hours every day and knew a
lot about ranching. For weeks, the
two of them worked hard and the
ranch was doing very well. Then
one day, the rancher's widow
said "you have done a really good
job, and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick
up your heels." The hired hand
readily agreed and went into
town on Saturday night. He
returned around 2:30am, and
upon entering the room, he found
the rancher's widow sitting by
the fireplace with a glass of wine,
waiting for him. She quietly called
him over to her. "Unbutton my
blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did
as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now
take off my socks." He removed
each gently and placed them
neatly by her boots. "Now take off
my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it,
constantly watching her eyes in
the fire light. "Now take off my
bra." Again, with trembling hands,
he did as he was told and
dropped it to the floor. Then she
looked at him and said: "If you
ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired!"

Husbands are like bluetooth

All Husbands are like Bluetooth.
Always connected to wife when
she is around.
But
The moment wife is Away,
They automatically start
searching for new devices.. 

Is that you or wine?

a husband and wife sitting
together drinking wine, wife "i
love you" husband "is that you or
the wine talking?" wife, "it's me
talking to the wine

That awkward moment

That awkward moment when someone asks 'do you remember me' and you have no clue who they are.

Reason why you should never
visit a 5 star Hotel ...

Question : "What would you like
to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea,
Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea
or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like
it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or
Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk
or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land
cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with
sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane
sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or
yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just
give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still
water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-
flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst" .
Good Bye

3 pigs story - Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father always used
to tell him bedtime stories. Being
the quick-witted fellow that he
was, he always embellished on
them adding little jokes here and
there.
One day in Little Johnny's
kindergarten class, his teacher
was telling them the story of the
three little pigs. Johnny knew this
story because his father often told
it to him before he went to bed.
They were at the part when the
first pig needed to build his
house.
"Then," the teacher said, "the first
little pig needed straw to build his
house. Along the road he saw a
farmer carrying a bail of straw. So
the little pig walked up to the
farmer and asked him if he could
borrow his straw to build a
house. Then class, do you know
what the farmer said?"
Little Johnny immediately raised
his hand, knowing the answer.
"Yes Johnny," replied the teacher.
"WOW!! A TALKING PIG!!!"

Facebook funny status

Me and a random girl on Fb:

Girl:- “You never smile?”

Me :- “How can you say this?”

Girl:- "I've never seen your smiling pictures” .

Me :- “ok then by that logic , you never Bath lol ”

**NOW I AM IN HER BLOCKED LIST** 

Mom's Dinner logic

Mom: Come down it's dinner time.

Me: In a few minutes.

Mom:NOW!!

Me: Ok

*downstairs*

Me: Where's dinner?

Mom: It will be ready in 10
minutes!! 

why not 5 start hotels? read to know

Reason why you should never
visit a 5 star Hotel ...

Question : "What would you like
to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea,
Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea
or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like
it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or
Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk
or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land
cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with
sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane
sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or
yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just
give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still
water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-
flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst" .
Good Bye

Best +18 Joke

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes, officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"

The young man says, "I'm 22, sir." The cop asks, "And her ... what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

Insulting joke

Ultimate Insult...!!!
A woman & her son were riding
in a taxi.
All the prostitutes were standing
at a bus stop.
Boy: Mom, what are these women
doing here?
Mom: They are waiting for their
husband.
Taxi driver: Why don't you tell him
the truth, that they are hookers &
have sex with men for money.
Boy: Is that true Mom?
Mom: (Glaring hard at the driver)
says, YES.
Kid asks: Mom, what happens to
the babies these women have?
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
↓
Mom: They become taxi
drivers...!!!

Naughty Little Johnny

Little Johnny's parents were
looking into buying a new house,
as they were expecting a baby
soon and wanted a bigger house.
So one day Johnny went with his
father to talk to a real estate
agent. Johnny sat outside the
office next to the doorway and
listened as the agent told his
father that they should look at
buying a condominium and avoid
houses next to intersections if
they have kids.
When Little Johnny's father was
done talking to the agent, they
drove back home. Johnny's
mother greeted them and asked
her son if he had fun and if he
learned anything about real
estate.
Little Johnny eagerly nodded and
said "yes, I should buy condoms
and stay away from intercourse if
I want to avoid kids!"

There are five types of fear.
1. terror
2. panic
3. 15 missed calls from mom
4. username or password is
incorrect
5. we need to talk

Baboon funny joke

This is a baboon

This kindergarten teacher was
taking her class to the zoo for a
field trip. They came to the cage
for the zebra:
TEACHER: Who can tell me what
animal this is?
BILLY: Well, it looks like a horse,
has black and white stripes. Must
be a zebra.
TEACHER: Very good, Billy.
They come to the elephant.
TEACHER: Class, who can tell me
what animal this is?
JANE: It has big feet, is very big
and has a trunk. Is it an elephant?
TEACHER: Very good, Jane.
They come to the baboon cage.
TEACHER: who can tell me what
animal this is? No response.
Finally Johnny raised his hand
reluctantly.
TEACHER: OK. Johnny, would you
like to try?
JOHNNY: Well, it has a big belly and
has a lot of hair all over, and has a
stupid look on his face... must be a
truck driver.

Funny Joke First post! Little Johnny

Like us Fun at home

Little Johnny was in the school's
bathroom. He found there was no
toilet paper so he used his hand.
When he got back to his
classroom the teacher asked what
he had in his hand.
"A little leprechaun, and if I open
my hand he'll get scared away."
The teacher couldn't get him to
open his hand and sent him to
the principal who also asked what
he had in his hand.
"A little leprechaun, and if I open
my hand he'll get scared away."
He was sent home with a note
asking to see his parents, so his
mom asked him what he had in
his hand.
"A little leprechaun, and if I open
my hand he'll get scared away."
He was sent to his room. In a
while his dad came in and asked,
"What do you have in your hand?"
Again came the reply, "It's a little
leprechaun, and if I open my hand
he'll get scared away."
His dad ordered him to open his
hand, and as he did so Johnny
said, "Oh no, Dad, look; you scared
the shit out of him!"