Funny idiot brother named them

woman who is 3 months
pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6
months later she awakes and asks
the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and
a girl, and they are both fine.
Luckily, your brother named them.
Woman: Oh no, not my brother!
He's an idiot! What did he name
the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Well that isn't too bad,
and what did he name the boy?
Doctor: Denephew.

Funny gay joke

Worth Reading

A successful rancher died and left
everything to his
devoted wife. She was
determined to keep the ranch,
but knew very little about
ranching, so she placed an
ad in the newspaper for a ranch
hand. Two cowboys applied for
the job. One was gay and the
other a drunk. She thought long
and hard about it, and when no
one else applied she decided to
hire the gay guy, figuring it would
be safer to have h im around the
house than the drunk. He proved
to be a hard worker who put in
long hours every day and knew a
lot about ranching. For weeks, the
two of them worked hard and the
ranch was doing very well. Then
one day, the rancher's widow
said "you have done a really good
job, and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick
up your heels." The hired hand
readily agreed and went into
town on Saturday night. He
returned around 2:30am, and
upon entering the room, he found
the rancher's widow sitting by
the fireplace with a glass of wine,
waiting for him. She quietly called
him over to her. "Unbutton my
blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
"Now take off my boots." He did
as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now
take off my socks." He removed
each gently and placed them
neatly by her boots. "Now take off
my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it,
constantly watching her eyes in
the fire light. "Now take off my
bra." Again, with trembling hands,
he did as he was told and
dropped it to the floor. Then she
looked at him and said: "If you
ever wear my clothes into town
again, you're fired!"

Husbands are like bluetooth

All Husbands are like Bluetooth.
Always connected to wife when
she is around.
But
The moment wife is Away,
They automatically start
searching for new devices.. 

Is that you or wine?

a husband and wife sitting
together drinking wine, wife "i
love you" husband "is that you or
the wine talking?" wife, "it's me
talking to the wine

That awkward moment

That awkward moment when someone asks 'do you remember me' and you have no clue who they are.

Reason why you should never
visit a 5 star Hotel ...

Question : "What would you like
to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea,
Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "tea please"
Question : " Ceylon tea, Herbal tea,
Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea
or green tea ?"
Answer : "Ceylon tea "
Question : "How would you like
it ? black or white ?"
Answer: "white"
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or
Condensed milk ?"
Answer: "With milk "
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk
or cow milk"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: " Milk from Freeze land
cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: " Um, I'll take it black. "
Question: " Would you like it with
sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar"
Question: " Beet sugar or cane
sugar ?"
Answer: "Cane sugar "
Question:" White , brown or
yellow sugar ?"
Answer: "Forget about tea just
give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still
water ? "
Answer: "Mineral water"
Question: "Flavored or non-
flavored ?"

Answer: "I'll rather die of thirst" .
Good Bye

3 pigs story - Little Johnny

Little Johnny's father always used
to tell him bedtime stories. Being
the quick-witted fellow that he
was, he always embellished on
them adding little jokes here and
there.
One day in Little Johnny's
kindergarten class, his teacher
was telling them the story of the
three little pigs. Johnny knew this
story because his father often told
it to him before he went to bed.
They were at the part when the
first pig needed to build his
house.
"Then," the teacher said, "the first
little pig needed straw to build his
house. Along the road he saw a
farmer carrying a bail of straw. So
the little pig walked up to the
farmer and asked him if he could
borrow his straw to build a
house. Then class, do you know
what the farmer said?"
Little Johnny immediately raised
his hand, knowing the answer.
"Yes Johnny," replied the teacher.
"WOW!! A TALKING PIG!!!"